Psalm 27:14 Wait For The Lord; Be Strong, And Let Your Heart Take Courage; Wait For The Lord!
In this series, I have been sharing personal events from my life. I have been explaining how these specific events have prompted in me the creation of destructive belief systems, which have negatively impacted many areas of my life. I have also been sharing the new affirmations that I am declaring as I replace the old belief systems.
The topics have been chosen out of my of dreams (yes from my sleep), events happening on that specific day and out of thoughts that are pressing heavily in my mind that day.
In this post, I discuss how the advice that I received when I was 29, from a man that I admired became a prophetic reality. The message that I received was that when i had given birth to a male child and when I had reached the age of 40, by then I would have suffered so much that I would have turned my back on God out of anger. Only thru this experience would I then realize what true suffering is. Only after realizing what true suffering was, was i able to understand God's love for me and only then was i ready to study the ancient writings that i wanted to study.
My Ups And Downs On My Faith Have Been Painful Yet My Prayers Have Always Been Answered.
For the last 5 years the topic of all things happening of God's timing has been at the front front of my custody battle. Here is my petition. Then on Friday, April 6, 2018, everything changed, in Jesus' mighty name! The DOJ sent me an email confirming their open investigation regarding the change.org petition information I sent them. This has to be the most incredible victory in the last 5 years!
Let me back up. This incredible event has been building up. The last 9 months have been liberating. How did i go from feeling desperation and being angry with God (blog1), to feeling happiness again, despite still being in the level 5 hurricane of chaos? (This was written prior to April 6, 2018. Post started April 5, 2018.)
First of all, this process includes a lot of years of RAW court hell. I've been called every name imaginable by the father of my child and the courts have allowed him to defame me, continuously perjure himself and commit libel at every hearing. I've also been abused on the record by not just the father of my child, but also by the judge and other court staff throughout the entire 5 years; both in NM and in TX.
Facts Of Abuse Against Me At Court. Yet I Always Conduct Myself With The Highest Degree Of Decorum.
The mentally unstable judge on my custody case, Gerard Lavelle, lost his mind at the last hearing (September 2017). He verbally abused me, on the record for over 22 minutes, while not letting me speak at my own hearing. I left the courthouse feeling demoralized, humiliated and assaulted by this judge. Case: DM 2013-4873. Bernalillo County, NM. This judge's behavior has been the same at every hearing since he replaced Debra Ramirez.
(She's another peach. A scary, emotionally unstable, narcissistic judge in the Bernalillo County, NM family court system who was appointed TWICE, in three months by the Governor, despite being under investigation for ethics violations and against Court Administration's decision to oust her.)
Even if the heavily redacted recording on file of my last hearing only has 14 minutes left, the insults against me were recorded on the minute order filed by the Petitioner's attorney. (I'm the respondent.) I'm glad that the judge's abusive language towards me is recorded somewhere, since Albuquerque agencies tend to disappear evidence.
(Ex. The last battery case to go to trial against the father of my child, was dismissed by Abq's DA claiming that the officer's lapel recording disappeared from police headquarters. Was it convenient for the father of my child to have all trace of the evidence disappear immediately before his trial? Or was it intentionally deleted by someone inside the police department?)
Bernalillo County, NM Family Court Judge Gerard Lavelle Has Mercilessly And Repeatedly Verbally Abused Me Inside His Courtroom.
The minute order is a concrete fact that I was verbally (emotionally and psychologically) abused. It is a reminder of the prideful manner in which Gerard Lavelle decided to continue breaking the law. This evidence is not as easily disappeared because i have many copies.
It is also proof of Judicial Standard's corruption, who declared that the almost 320+page, 2nd complaint against Lavelle (including this recording) was no indication of judge misconduct or judge bias. (The prior Chairman of Judicial Standards, Mr. Roybal was replaced just days before this decision was made by the new Judicial Standards Chair, who was also appointed by Gov. Susana Martinez? More coincidences?)
I've gone bankrupt defending myself against the baseless allegations. Any court that follows the law, that has a mentally stable judge would have denied the case due to lack of jurisdiction (both the father and I were TX residents at the time of filing.) A law abiding judge would have also required proof of the allegations prior to proceeding to probe me and investigate me for 4.5 YEARS, whereby destroying my entire life. A law abiding judge would have then made an example of the individual lying to the court by fining them or throwing them in jail for perjury. Instead, my followers know by now that I was the one thrown in jail, illegally.
This Custody Case Was Filed By "Rudy" Herrera Against Me (Someone With No Criminal Background) The Day After He Was Released From Jail For Battery On December 2013.
Another reason that a law abiding judge would have dismissed the entire case, would be on the fact that the father of my child filled his lawsuit against me (a woman with no prior criminal history) the day after he was released from jail for battery and assault. To be clear, the father of my child was arrested for battery December 2013. My child and i were the victims in that case. My child was born December 2013. The father of my child called the police to accuse me of attempting to murder him, attempting to kill my child and that i would then commit suicide because i was postpartum depressed. He made up this ridiculous story for the police, after hitting my new born, and then beating me up for trying to defend my child.
Despite all of the evidence of Mr. Herrera's prior arrests for domestic violence, violations of order of protection, stalking etc, (with many open criminal cases in 2 states and several jurisdictions) the court accepted his petition for sole custody. Mr. Herrera's sole reasoning for demanding immediate sole custody of my new born, were his ridiculous and false allegations that he was my victim. Mr. Herrera claimed to be the victim of severe domestic violence. Mr. Herrera claimed that his December 2013 arrest and his many pending criminal cases against him were all lies. He claimed that all of the police departments prosecuting him had been duped by me.
Anyone with common sense will realize that a law abiding judge would not have accepted any of these baseless false allegations. Any law abiding judge would've immediately sided with law enforcement. Instead, I have spent the last 5 years in court hell defending myself against the most ridiculous claims made against me, and supported by corrupt judges.
(In TX I am also aware of Alma Trejo dismissing two of the criminal cases against Mr. Herrera. In one dismissal, over 115 pages of violations of order of protection were deemed 'not enough evidence' by Judge Trejo. Cause No. 2016C06003. The El Paso DAs refuse to speak to me and court records refuse to give me access to the court file notes. The other assault case was allowed to expire and was then dismissed claiming 'prosecutorial discretion'. Cause No. 2013C07872. Moving forward, Patricia Baca, the DA's supervisor for domestic violence cases refuses to prosecute or accept ANY case provided to the court by the police department against this man. I have a recording with Patricia Baca.)
I Am Choosing Joy Everyday, Despite The Hurricane Around Me. Fear Has No Place In My Heart.
Desperation, hopelessness, shame, guilt, fear, sadness, and all powerless emotions have one thing in common: my choice to pick that emotion over joy. I have felt all of the above named emotions during the last 5 years of nonstop defamation and nonstop abuse by the corrupt judges on my cases. I realize that in the beginning I had chosen emotions other than joy. I have learned that it was my choice to feel powerless against the corruption. Looking back, I realize how destructive it is to choose anything that is not joy.
Due to the severity of the attacks, and considering how many agencies and people were attacking me, in order to defend this one man, I understand why i felt all of the above named emotions. To give you a picture of what i went thru, I had state agencies constantly investigating me for child abuse. I was constantly ordered to take psychiatric, psychological, medical, and physical exams over the entire extent of the court war. I have being accused of the most horrific behavior, which left me feeling overwhelmed and powerless to defend my child's life and even my own.
As if the above mentioned scenarios were not enough, I also had Internal Affairs officers threatening me with perjury for reporting the corrupt cops helping Mr. Herrera. I had powerfully connected Judges demoralizing me, humiliating me, attacking and criminally abusing me at every hearing. I had court staff constantly making fun of me and threatening me with loosing my child. I had the DA's offices unwilling to prosecute any of the criminal cases against this man in two states. I had a governor intervening on behalf of a man whose only claim to politics is his mother's (Sara Quinones) decades' long friendship with the El Paso congressman who helped him get into the Air Force Academy.
Reflecting on my behavior over the last 5 years, I wish to state just how proud I am of how I have handled the situations. Despite all of this hurricane, God's love, God's strength, God's mercy and God's protection has been shining in my life thru it all. Yes. I am extremely proud of how well i have conducted myself!
My Questions To God, When I Was 8, Have Been Answered.
In blog6, I shared that I had my calling at age 8 to become a nun. That didn't pan out as well as i hoped, so in my mid to late 20s I lived in NYC. While there, I studied the ancient writings of Kabbalah. I did 3.5 years of advanced religious studies. My semesters varied from one class per week to sometimes 3 classes per week plus my volunteer work at the center and outside of the center. I only stopped my learning because i was asked to find a Rabbi to sponsor the classes.
When I left my studies, the last conversation that I had with Rabbi Shimon, was sad. I was advised that the center had passed a new requirement to take the advanced spirituality courses that I had been attending for 3.5 years and that i needed to endure suffering of a specific type before i would be ready to understand what i was being taught there. This last conversation has stayed with me all of these years. I left the center without my questions answered. My questions have been the same throughout my life.
With the life experiences of the past 5 years, I can now look at the specific events relating to my custody case differently. It is this life experience that has answered the questions that this Rabbi attempted to explain to me back when i was 29.
It has taken me up to age 41 to understand the meaning of the questions that i had at 8 years old. I can also share my opinion that all of our questions to God are answered. It is our choice on how those questions are answered. My questions could have been answered thru life experiences of love and compassion. However, I chose to allow one man that i admired (Rabbi Shimon) to influence in the manner in which I received my answers.
The answers that I asked God when I was 8 have been answered a lot faster and with much more loving kindness in these last 18 months, than in the last 3.5 years of chaos and destruction. The lesson to take from my experience is to make the choice to allow God to bless our lives in a loving way and not in a way that 'teaches us thru suffering'. Either loving or destructive, God answers because it was our choice to ask for that experience. God rejoices in blessing us with what we ask for.
Messages In The Bible And The Astrology Connection.
Rational minds look at the Bible, from cover to cover, from Genesis to Revelations and we speak about the literal meaning behind the words. It was recently when a verse in Revelations was described in astronomical terms. The sign in the heavens of the pregnant virgin clothed with the sun and the moon at her feet, giving birth was translated as being the constellation Virgo, with a planet spending 9 months inside of the constellation. The timing of the planet exiting the constellation of Virgo coincided with the 9 month trajectory mentioned in the Bible and with the moon at her feet.
There is a video I've been meaning to record on the verse following this one. It will contain my views about what it could possibly mean, when verses are thought about in logical, astronomical terms. (The birth of Christ was marked by an astronomical event, a specific star in the sky.)
Genesis is a beautiful piece of scripture, where in my opinion, God goes thru the process of creating many males (men) and two females (Woman and Eve). There is also a double creation story for beasts and birds, where the second creation of birds were restricted in their ability to fly up to the firmament. The number 7 is heavily influenced in the old testament. Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:7, is a prime example of a double creation of man. Look up at what verse God makes the decision to exterminate man and only keep Noah. (Hint: there's another 7)
For someone who has spent her whole life reading the word (English, Spanish, Hebrew), I can attest that every time that i read it, it has a different message for me. I believe that the Bible was written in a way as to speak to our subconscious/ our soul. I believe that the Bible has the power to awaken the God like power within us.
Not Having A Relationship With God Means We Do Not Understand Love. Our Interpersonal Relationships Suffer Meaning Higher Chance For Chaos In Our Lives.
When we do not have a solid relationship with God, we do not understand God's love for us. When we do not understand God's love, we do not know how to love ourselves. If we do not know how to love ourselves, we become desperate in the process of looking for love outside of us because we all need love to survive.
In my experience, all healthy relationships depend largely on one's ability to understand God's love for us. When we have this understanding, we love ourselves, we have healthy self esteem, healthy sense of self worth and a healthy sense of value is established. As we live a life full of God's love, we are then able to love others in a healthy way. It is no one's responsibility to love us, simply because we are needy and demand their love. It is our responsibility to understand God's love for us and live in accordance with His Word.
A prime example of looking for love outside of us is when we demand love from other people who also do not know God's love. We then create all types of unstable relationships, including broken romantic relationships (ex. co-dependency). The sole purpose of these interactions is to seek approval from others, by begging for others' attention, outside praises (work), etc. Basically, our life becomes dependent on others' opinions of us. This is a sure way to create a life full of chaos and disappointment!
When choosing to live this way, the powerful, God creation (us)becomes a string puppet to societal whims and susceptible to all forms of attacks from everything and everyone in the world.
What Does A Healthy Relationship With God Look Like?
Does tithing, listening to teachings of the Word, fellowship, reading the Bible, and volunteering sound like too much work for someone who is overly busy already? (Notice that I did not mention the word church.)
Until just this Easter/Passover/Resurrection Day 2018, I always looked for a church home where I could feel at home. For the last 10 years I had felt at home with one set of Pastors. Now, I've come to understand that Church is just another organization looking to survive in a financially based society.
A man that i met at a church recently, told me that leaving the past where it belongs and turning the page was a smart move for my life. A young pastor at this same church implied that tithing is more important to his church than my volunteer hours. Keeping in mind that churches and those involved in those organizations (much like Rabbi Shimon in NYC) are full of imperfect human beings, just like us, will help us be more compassionate when faced with utterly devastating advice from those in leadership.
If I wish to tithe, I can take my % and donate to the charities that i choose to help and i can do it anonymously. Attending a church that takes my tithe and distributes how they see fit is wonderful for the community, but it detaches me from the joy of giving it myself.
Also, attending a church that does not treat all members' rights equally, and separates the people based on their tithe is no different from our regular society where your car, your job and the money in your bank sets you apart from others.
Looking for ways to give back to humanity, looking for ways to give love to your fellow man, looking for ways to praise God, all day every day and looking for ways to live with steadfast faith, are all ways in which a solid relationship with God can be made.
No Church needed, if you don't have one. Take your time in finding a church home that fits your principles, your beliefs, and your life. I do encourage finding a church that fits your needs as a way to enjoy fellowship. In the meantime, i have amazing online forums with hundreds of thousands of people who fervently adore my Lord God.
My business has gone online in recent years and now my fellowship has as well, for now.
Everything IS On God's Timing, But It Is ME Who Sometimes Has Not Been Ready.
One of the most important faith related objective that I've sought to instill in my life, has been to live a life where my ego is placed behind God's timing.
The ego looks for ways to convince me that I am more important than God, that my time is more important than other people's or that my perspective is the only one that matters. All of these thoughts lead to separation from others and from God.
To me, living a God-filled life is about understanding God's love for me and His place in my life. When I allow God to work in my life, when i submit myself into His Word, and when I allow all types of good to fill my life, this is when I have seen victories and miracles happen in my daily life. When i think of God and what He is doing for me on a daily basis, i can only feel gratitude and happiness. I have not always lived my life this way.
Having lived a life where i was fearful of the world around me, fearful of powerful individuals, sad about others' gossip, and depressed over not being able to protect my only child, these thoughts and actions did not better my life. It became a never ending downward spiraling cycle of sadness and hopelessness.
The years 2013, 2014 and 2015 have had to be the saddest and hardest of my life! When i chose to take a stand for my humanity, when i decided to stand my ground against the sharks circling my position, when i choose to not back down to any and all attacks, and when i found the strength inside of me to understand God's love and God's protection thru His Word, this was the ONLY way that i found a way out of those shark infested waters and finally saw victory.
My Faith In My God Has Provided Me The Tools I Needed. My Belief That His Word Is True Has Given Me The Strength Needed To Fight This War.
I believe that the last 18 months have been full of victories because I changed my state of mind. Literally, the single change in my life that made the highest impact, has been the manner in which i see my custody case, those involved and myself. (The fact that elected officials have also been shuffled over the last 5 years might have influenced my situation.)
No matter what the corrupt judges, what the corrupt elected officials have done or said against me or what Mr. Herrera has falsely alleged against me, i have found a way to regain my humanity. I refuse to allow Gerard Lavelle, Debra Ramirez, Alma Trejo, Patricia Baca, other higher up politicians, other civil servants or other court employees to strip me of my dignity or of my ability to pursue my happiness.
Moving Forward. Always Forward.
I feel great joy at ending this post. I feel joy because I finally finished it after two and a half weeks of writing and also because i can attest to the spiritual and personal growth that this journey has inspired in me. So many amazing miracles and victories after victories have been entering my life these last 2 weeks!
I will end this moving forward always forward message, with we, as human beings are so beautiful and unique. We are each an individual creation so unique that the sands of time had to conspire with so many possibilities, endless, infinite possibilities, in order to bring me, you, all of us, into existence. So many factors had to happen and successfully pair in order to have us come into this life.
Our authenticity is what makes us irreplaceable and unique to Our Father God. When ever you feel like remembering how special you are to our Father God, simply place your hands up, look at your fingers and remember that our fingertips have fingerprints, that are unique in humanity. Out of the billions of people on the planet, we are each unique.
God Bless you all. Thank you for reading.
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