#Arizona #HighSchool #DomesticViolence #Abuse
This blog is being made specifically for the brave souls who reached out to me thru this website. Before I jump right into answering the questions in the texts mentioned above, I am going to give you some definitions and some examples of grown ups dealing with their childhood abuse.
Domestic Violence & All Forms of Abuse Are Taboo- Shhh...
The most important point that i wish to explain to these amazing young men and young ladies who reached out to me is that the young adults who do not deal with these subjects now, grow up to be dysfunctional adults.
Click on the word to visit the definition online.
If you or someone you know is growing up in a home that has DYSFUNCTIONAL adults, then you are learning how to behave in the same way. It is NOT your fault that you are growing up in a home where the adults are behaving in a criminal manner towards you or towards each other.
If you do not help for those adults in your home, or if you do not ask for help for yourself, you are making the decision to grow up with major trauma tucked away in your heart and mind.
No One Wants To Talk About Domestic Violence, Abuse or Any Type of Trauma
The purpose of my presentations, the purpose for me going and sharing such devastating events from my life, is to hopefully empower those listening to ask for help.
I am aware that there will be dysfunctional people who will judge me and will even make fun of me for what i share. It is my wish to respect the boundaries of all who listen to my presentations.
It is their choice to continue to stay in denial and refuse to learn from my presentation. Life experience will prove me right when in a few years, they find themselves arrested or in worse situations that what i described myself into. I am sure that they will remember my presentation then.
Again, my purpose is to reach the few brave souls who will listen to me and will reach out to me, like the ones in the texts above.
Consequences Of Allowing Any Form of Abuse
Emotional trauma, emotional abuse, verbal trauma, verbal abuse, psychological trauma, psychological abuse are all categories which are not talked about as much as physical violence. Just because these subjects are not discussed as much, it does not make them any less dangerous or any less criminal.
Here is a picture from a dating site that i am on.
My purpose for sharing this screen shot is to demonstrate how a 62 year old man in the chat was blaming all women on the planet for using him, for being mean to him and for not being good human beings to him.
The other women in the chat became defensive. I then brought up the subject of the possibility of him having survived childhood trauma and suggested that the probability that he had a troubled home with dysfunctional adults in his early childhood.
While the women cheered, the man became more defensive and the other men left the chat. Within a few minutes the chat was completely empty. No one wants to talk about these subjects. Yet, here is a clear example that no matter the age, people do not want to admit that they were treated poorly by someone in their family.
If grown ups are this bad about talking about these subjects, of course, you, in high school, DEFINITELY will not want to talk about these subjects. Especially in front of your peers. I get it.
This is why I am very proud of those who spoke up and asked questions during my presentations. You demonstrated a lot of courage! To those who also sent in their questions via this website also have my admiration!
Answers To Your Questions
The sections above are meant for you to understand that adults face the situations that you are facing. I wanted to show you the consequences of growing up without talking about abuse. I wanted you to understand that ignoring the dysfunctional adults in your home will only lead to young men and young ladies growing up to become the same way.
Thank you for saying that you were moved by my words. Reality is that it does take guts to get up in front of strangers and share with them the most hurtful situations that i have survived in my life.
Truth is, some people will judge me and will even make fun of my negative decisions and poor choices. I deal with the consequences of being judged by dysfunctional people because my love for you, my desire for you to grow up happy is more important than me being judged by people who need help themselves.
I will continue to do it because i want to make a difference in the world that my own child is growing up.
I will begin posting more blogs on my lessons learned for you all to keep coming back to read them.
This blog post and the entire restructure that my business website is undergoing is because of this one visitor. My heart bleeds every time that i remember that i was not able to answer this visitor immediately. I pray that they come back to read my answer.
This blog is for you.
From my presentation you might remember that i wouldn't tell anyone. You might also remember that i wouldn't ask for help. You might remember all of the reasons that i gave for living the way that i was. In essence, I was ashamed of my life. I was ashamed of my decisions. I slowly began to fall apart, the longer that i stayed with that man.
Now that I have reminded you of all of my lessons learned, I can tell you that i did not have the strength that you demonstrated by leaving me this comment. You deserve to understand just how brave you are.
I was in denial. You are not. You understand that your situation is wrong.
I refused to let anyone know. You let me know.
I refused to look for help. You reached out to me for help.
Your bravery is important because you will need all of your strength to overcome your situation.
Now that you know that it is wrong what is happening to you, now is the time to come in and speak to someone about your situation.
If you are worried that you will have your partner in trouble, please let me assure that you that you are NOT going to have anything bad happen to your partner.
On the contrary, if you really love your partner, you must tell a counselor.
Your partner needs YOU to tell someone what they are doing to you because they NEED HELP.
Let me stress something to you.
Your partner is sick.
Your partner is committing a crime every time that they hit you.
Your partner needs helps.
If you do not help your partner now, chances are that your partner will end up in jail anyway and soon. You see, people who hit other people, always break the law in other ways. Eventually, the breaking of the law lands them in jail.
If you really care for your partner, you must come to one of us who will help you and will help him too.
You asked me what you can do about your situation.
You must do 2 things.
1. You must ask for help for your partner. You do this by telling a counselor the name of the person who is doing this to you, you tell the counselor how often, how many times, when was the last time and you give them all of the information that they need to speak to your partner. The reasons why you must do this is because your partner needs help before they are placed in jail.
2. After you complete step number 1, you will have begun the process like i did, of getting the help that you need to DEPROGRAM your brain out of abuse.
Let me explain the future of what will happen if you do not take both of these steps.
Your partner will eventually go to jail and will have continue to hit all of their future partners. Your partner will also hit the children that they have in the future. If you do not come to us for help, you will eventually find out that this person continued to hit their lovers and eventually you will hear that they are also hitting their children. You can stop all of this from happening by simply telling one of your counselors.
If you do not tell someone now, your life will continue as is. You will continue to cry. You will continue to be hit. You will continue to be a victim. In the future, you too may become one of the statistics that i read out loud. If things become very bad, you could end up in one of the situations that i did. If you continue in this situation, your future children may also be victims of this person.
You are at a point in life where you can save your life, save the life of your partner and save the lives of your future children and theirs, from much suffering.
If you do nothing, a lot of suffering will continue in your life, in theirs (because they need the help too) and the suffering will continue with your children and theirs in the future.
The police need to become involved. Please do not become upset when i mentioned the police. Let me explain why the police being involved is necessary. When i refused to call the police on my ex because he said i would destroy his life, and because he threatened to kill me, all i did was make things worse for me.
Please remember all of the things that he did to me and i never called the police. Please remember how many times i almost lost my life because i refused to call the police to get him help.
When i finally filed a police report and had an order of protection against him, he finally understood that what he was doing to me was wrong. If you do not call the police against your partner, they will never understand that hitting you is wrong. If they never understand what they are doing is wrong, they will never change and they will never get the help that they need.
Please read all of these notes that i am typing for you. Anyone who is in an abusive relationship must call the police and must report the behavior. You are not calling the police to get anyone in trouble. You are calling the police to protect yourself from future harm, to protect your future children from harm and also, you're calling the police to report them because you love the person and you want them to get the helpt that they need.
If you do not call the police, they WILL NEVER get the help that they need. If you truly love this person, you will call the police and you will report them so that this person is helped medically.
Please remember how much therapy i had to go thru in order to be helped. Both you and your partner must get that therapy and it can only happen when you tell a counselor and the police become involved.
I am one of the only people who can understand what you are going thru and can understand why you would not want to call the police. I understand you perfectly well because i was you.
The strength that you showed by sending me these texts mean that you are ready for help. You are ready to get your partner help too.
I will pray for you daily. I will pray that you go to your counselor and tell someone that your partner has been hitting you.
One last thing you must understand. THE HITTING WILL NEVER STOP. THE HITTING WILL GET WORSE. EVENTUALLY YOUR PARTNER MAY TRY TO END YOUR LIFE. DO NOT BECOME A STATISTIC. Do not forget my message. Do not forget me begging you to get help. Do not forget my story of what happened to me.
Because I just happened to be next to my phone when this visitor came online, i was able to answer right away.
Here is my answer:
1. Sexual compatibility between the couple is important. If one partner feels unsatisfied sexually, the relationship will not last. If one partner is judgmental of the other's needs, the unfulfilled partner may eventually find someone else who does fulfill does needs. Because of the ages involved, chances are that eventually they will indeed find a more suitable sexual partner. Sexual compatibility is important.
2. If a domestic partner disagrees with a major view of life and this view of life is affecting your self esteem or your self worth, then yes, the relationship is toxic. If one partner is demeaning the other based on gender or sexual desires, then yes, the relationship is also manipulative in the sense that one partner is looking to convince the other to let go of their wishes and desires in favor or something they do not favor.
Manipulation (click on link)
Toxic (click on link)
Toxic Relationship (click on link)
Remember that a romantic partner is someone who is loving, kind, supportive, generous, tender, strong, protects you, is there for you, listens to you and accepts who you are.
If your partner makes you cry, makes you feel upset, judges you, puts you down, yells at you, calls you names, ignores you, is mean to you, or is physically violent towards you, I urge you to remember my story. I urge you to ask for help. I urge you to get away from that person immediately.
Each and every one of these texts is important to share!
You must understand that when adults break the law, there are consequences. When minors break the law and a judge finds them guilty, there is juvenile court and juvenile detention centers.
The law is in place to keep bad things from happening to us. Problem is when people do not realize that what they are doing is breaking the law.
The next big problem is when someone KNOWS their behavior is against the law and they CHOOSE to break it anyway, thinking that no one will ever turn them in. Remember my case?
Like i said, some of us grow up with kind, loving parents, but others of us, do not. Others of us, suffer criminal physical abuse from the very people who are supposed to be protecting us, our parents.
If we have been conditioned to think that child abuse is just normal, then chances are that you will end up abusing your children as well. Do you want to think of yourself as being mean to your future children, the way that your parents have been mean to you?
The law is in place to protect all of us. If the police are called it is to help and not to make bad things happen to us. Bad things do not happen because the police become involved. Bad things happens when WE continue to stay in situations that are dangerous, and don't ask for help. Remember my story? Remember how i continued to answer his texts and continued to see him and never asked for help?
If anyone disrespects me now, i immediately call the police for help. I no longer try to help someone who is putting my safety and health at risk. I hope that you can understand that you are NOT to blame for the choices and decisions that others make. You are NOT to blame for the bad things that adults do to themselves and to others.
This is why my presentation to you is so important.
My purpose is to explain to you the consequences of allowing others to be mean to us. To explain to you the consequences of allowing others to brain wash us into thinking that it is our fault that they are behaving like criminals.
You need to understand that you are ONLY responsible for your actions. That you are NEVER responsible for the wrongs that other people make. Should someone else go to jail because you break the law? No. We are all responsible for our actions. The same is true for our lovers or our family members. We should NOT bear the guilt, shame or abuse because they are not able to see that THEY are sick and THEY are breaking the law.
You are NOT responsible for others breaking the law. Hitting you, intimidating you, controlling you, abusing you, etc, these are all illegal actions. Someone needs to help you, or you run the risk of ending up having a life like i did.
My purpose is to help you see that you do not have to make my mistakes.
I am always here for you, should you wish to reach out to me. Look at the texts, they are anonymous. If i do not answer, please know that i am working, but leave an email and i will email you back.
Sending you all of my love and my prayers.
www.ElizabethSite.com™ www.ElizabethSite.com© www.ElizabethSite.com®
All information contained in this website, in this article, in this blog, and in the sister sites, is copyright material belonging to www.ElizabethSite.com™ and Vivian Elizabeth Marquez De La Garza™. If you wish to borrow any content contained in any of the sources mentioned, simply contact me directly for written approval. Thank you! God Bless.